All human’s love to feel powerful to a certain extent, who wouldn’t want to feel powerful vs. feeling weak? Our power however, should be used in a way that is constructive rather than destructive. That statement may bring you think of corrupt politicians who are using their power purely for their personal gains and enjoyment, at the expense of others rather than helping others. Yes, this is a problem, but let’s bring it down to a smaller scale, back to the level of self. I’m sure you can all think of a time that you’ve manipulated or controlled a person in some way to gain something you want, or just for the high you get from the power trip.
I no longer partake in such behaviours, but an example I can share with you from the past is a time when I had wanted to manipulate and control a boyfriend into behaving more in the way I would like him to. He wasn’t giving me what I wanted so I told him “let’s see other people” and I almost immediately after went out on a date with someone else and told him that I was going to. The night I was out he called and texted me very late at night and I didn’t respond. He was worried I was sleeping with someone else, so worried that he said he was pacing back and forth in his place, couldn’t sleep and felt sick because he thought I was sleeping with someone else. Did I get what I wanted? For a short moment of time yes. Did it last? No, more chaos came to follow afterwards and it was a cycle of drama and manipulation because neither of us knew any better way. Maybe that can help you more easily think of situations in which you were being manipulative and controlling to feel empowered.
After repeating these type of situations many times, and repeatedly getting the same result, a sense of loss and feeling disempowered, I finally realized that my sense of power must come from another source and not externally. The source where this power must come from is within. For me, a more consistent sense of being empowered in a healthy way came when I dropped the drama and expressed myself in ways that were not controlling or manipulating another person. In particular my sense of power was heightened when I started a regular workout routine and pushed myself in ways that I thought were never possible. I also feel a great sense of power when I express myself in constructive ways at work. Those are just some examples of healthy ways to express power while not letting it get carried away on a power trip.
The temptation still exists from time to time to exercise my power in those ways that control and manipulate others, but because of my awareness of what doing that will bring, I just say no. It’s one of the man lessons in life to be learned, and I’m not judging the actions I mentioned as “wrong” I’m just identifying it as a destructive behaviour pattern that will never provide you with the long term result you were seeking in the first place.
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